"My Universe had become limited to a few friends locally, to answering letters and e-mails, and to the illusion that the rest of my time was mine alone. I was, in short leading a life without any of the inevitable problems that arise from living with other people, from human contact.
Is that what I'm looking for? A life without challenges? But where is the pleasure of looking for God outside of people?
I know many who have done just that. I once had a serious and at the same time comical talk with a Buddhist nun who had spent twenty years alone in a cave in Nepal. I asked her what she had achieved. "Spiritual orgasm" she replied, to which I replied that there were far easier ways to achieve orgasm.
I could never follow that path; it's simply not on my horizon. I cannot and could not spend the rest of my life in search of spiritual orgasms or contemplating the oak tree in my garden, waiting for wisdom to descend. J (my guide) knows this and encouraged me to make this journey so that I would understand that my path is reflected in the eyes of others and that, if I want to find myself, I need that map."