If I were to view the SELF right now this is probably how I would describe it --- we are, in each of us a home, a grand estate with many many rooms. And we are gifted with a music room, a kitchen, an art room, a spa, a cozy bedroom, an indoor and outdoor garden, a pool, a playroom, BUT at the same time we are gifted with an entertainment room filled with all sorts of interesting tools and techie stuff... a library, a meeting room or a place we can discuss and debate with others, and maybe even a fight room where we have a boxing range or a place where we can practice the art of war... or a sport like Taekwondo name it you have it. I feel we have it all. That's why there is no point judging others... I remember a line from Paulo Coelho , "We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path."
But what drives us and makes us who we are is that CHOICE that we make when we start to decide where we want to take ourselves, where we want to stay. So maybe some of us want to stay in the meeting room and butt heads with their guests, some of us want to practice the art of Judo or Aikido, maybe some of us want to do all that and that's OK too. We are all curious and trying to experience and explore this grand estate, which really is a grand school too.... I personally choose to be in the kitchen most of the time and in the music room and playroom.... and know that where we choose to stay we take our guests there.... That's all it is.
But yes... we are gifted with that choice and where we put our attention is where our energy grows too. Each of us is a complex, mysterious and divine entity and masterpiece... a miracle of creation. And although we are all part of one Source it is so important too to recognize the many diverse facets of our BEing -- it is important to be aware that when we waver between shadow and light, joy and sorrow, sensitivity and indifference we are all falling into BEing. We are all that we are and I am beginning to veer towards this thought too -- we are all that we feel we are not too.
In speaking for myself and just looking back at all my experiences I would never change anything at all if I am given that chance to change a part of my life. My ruin will always be that moment I saw the potential to rise and that moment no matter how traumatizing or painful will always be remembered as a great passage among the millions of passages that occur in every second of my existence.
Along with this thought I recognize the importance of forgiving myself (and eventually others), and accepting that part of me that adheres to structure, and rationalism, and egotistic. It will always be a part of me and I don't think I can ever escape that part of me even if I tried. I might also try to explore different homes and all those homes can really just only remind me of my own home.... One door leads to another door. One lesson to the next. And the more I choose to be in the spaces of my HEART, the more I feel at home in my BEing. In the end, free will is really that world and estate handed over to us with many many rooms and hallways --- In the end it's all about the choices I make. In the end, all my choices lead to me.